my mother relayed to me yesterday she had a dream and it was not a happy one that she woke up. i asked her what was the dream about. and she described the following scene:
she said she was at the shore with so many people around. there seems to be a lot of people but no particular acquaintances that she can perhaps talk to so she felt sad. she said it was dark so i presumed it was night. finally, she caught glimpse of someone familiar about to go onboard a motor banca with many things with her. it was Lola Mae as she was fondly called by her grandchildren. she is about to leave but mama was unable to even talk to her as she left.
i think we both knew what it was all about. i felt just as sad that she felt lonely during that time. i wish i was with her. mama, you are loved. please don’t feel lonely. we are always here for you.
How does one know the things he is so passionate about? If he is willing to do it without compensation, perhaps only the satisfied feeling that one has contribute something to make the world a little better.
To be honest, I try to dig if there is anything that I do that fits that definition. Right now, nothing comes to my mind. Huh?! I feel bad about myself.
But I guess I just have to dig deeper. Something within me perhaps there is that something that I would love to do.
“Je vous aime”
some people often takes a long time to muster the courage they need to speak what they ought to speak. if and when they finally muster the courage, they suddenly found its too late and that they have missed the opportunity a long time ago.
confession about one’s feelings is a terrible thing. it punishes and torments one’s soul.
rejection is just as worse. all your expectations, dreams of perfect happiness shattered in a single blow.
i wonder how others easily cope up with it and why some others takes a long time dealing with it. some are just blessed with such rich disposition while others are rather poor.
its not right to pity such poor people right away, however, for God has surely blessed them richly in many other ways. God is fair. This world is not. It just takes the right people capable of seeing them for all their worth.
Yesterday, i dreamt i was a world war 2 hero. I was a pilot in my dream. I was able to sink a lot of the Japanese planes. I thought my comrades were celebrating with me each time i was able to hit one. The last one, with great manoeuvre, i was able to hit one so that even our enemy cannot helped but applaud me.
Unfortunately, my plane ran out of gas and i found myself in enemy’ s territory. i hid under what looks like a muddy canal but to no avail. there was a young officer able to trace me. at first i pretended to be dead. when he held me, he aim at my neck gunpoint, while i play possum, to make sure i will be dead. but we both knew i am still alive and i guess he thought i was a too valuable PoW to kill. without pretense anymore, he drag me then to present me. earlier, before my capture, i have heard announcements about my plane landing in enemy’s area and an order for search.
so i was a PoW and as i was being ushered to prison, the place looks familiar. it was UPLB during the time of war which was set up that time to serve as a military camp. there were women who were captured and held in what looks like a prison cell made of military wires with spikes. it was transparent for people to see from outside in. i was ushered in. before that, i was given chocolates. I dont know why but i remember picking up Goya. inside the prison cell, i notice two familiar faces. they were old celebrities now who seem to be in their youth back then. and i embrace and hug one briefly from among them. she seemed to be my mother in her youth.
i dont know what transpired next for i suddenly woke up though i must say i have a wonderful feeling about this dream. i did not sleep long enough to see what will happen next – torture and hardships perhaps.
anyway, i remember one of the buildings in UPLB where many POW died. It was the Baker’s Hall. Who knows if it did serve too as the Japanese’s torture chamber.
i just have a dose of cool soothing sounds from this twins Jayeslee. too bad i didnt watch these videos earlier so i could have probably catch their gig last June 23rd. here’s a sample:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zn6n3boBMJg&feature=relmfu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtXr0pIRSg4&feature=relmfu
cool! isn’t it? have a nice day!
how do i describe this day?
one word – exhausting! its not so much about the tasks. its meeting demands and expectations from lots of people including yourself. truly, you can never please everyone. others may get offended by your actions along the way without you even knowing it. its important to have a clear head and to set priorities… otherwise, you might just get drown with the myriad of expectations. its important to distinguish the important from the not so important; the urgent and the not so urgent…
again, keep a clear head and know your priorities. also, keep your emotions in check!
and never forget: God is in control! 🙂
There is a slight difference between friendship with the same-sex and friendship with the opposite sex. Why? The former is usually common and typical but for the latter, there is a tendency for the friendship to grow or blossom into a serious relationship and in full bloom, perhaps marriage. (Nowadays, some romance also blooms even for the same-sex.) This tendency is just a possibility and definitely not a certainty. Let us, however, consider this possibility.
Two friends of the opposite sex started with the purest of intention (or there can be probably be a slight prejudice at the onset) as friends but suddenly become attracted to one another. Well and good, because they share the same feelings, it is only but logical and perhaps inevitable for them to grow into a more serious relationship. Both are happy and perhaps they’ll end up getting married.
But the other case is this: only one feels the sudden attraction and yet the other maintains the same level of feelings – that is of being ‘just friends’. For this case, what would they make now of their friendship? The one who suddenly feels the said attraction is for the most part tormented. Why? Because on one hand s/he is trying his/her best to maintain the friendship while on the other, s/he is constantly suppressing his/her emotions not to spill over to a certain degree or proportion which may not be understood by his/her friend. The other friend may just as well be bothered too. Why? It is because the new sudden behavior of his/her friends is so uncharacteristic and perhaps so inconvenient that s/he is painfully aware that their friendship is being compromised. Poor fellas, aren’t they?
Yet who would blame the one who feels such attraction? Does s/he need to apologize for his/her feelings? It is but a common tendency for someone to be attracted to the opposite sex. Yet again, what would they make now of their friendship?
I say the one, who has the attraction, if he is a man, dare ask and risk being rejected. If rejected, will he stay with the friendship? Most likely not. For the woman, however, our culture dictates that she waits for the other if he will confess the same feelings with her. A more liberal woman though would venture opening up her own feelings and risk just the same being rejected. If rejected, will she stay with the friendship? Most likely not. In either case, the one who has been rejected must respect the decision of the other and must let go of any bitterness in his/her heart for his/her own sake. If his/her intentions were welcomed, however, one can only hope that they will have a lasting happiness.
The other equally likely possibility, in my opinion, is this: for them to cut communication line for a while ideally with the consent of them both. While not speaking for a time, they might as well devote themselves to worthwhile things which will make them both happy and productive. This process may take a long time and is easier said than done. But who knows at the end of such time, no matter how long and under different circumstances, they would again find themselves friends with the purest of intention just like when they have started. Or if such a time will not come, at least each of them can cherish the thought that in the distant past they have become friends…
Summer term has ended.
There are just a lot of things going on my mind.
- Graduate School submittals that are due the next day.
- Final Exam papers to be checked.
- Grade computations due this week.
- Some heart issues as well. <sigh!>
- Victory weekend this Friday and Saturday
It is sometimes tiring. Sometimes, it is disappointing. Other times, it is well fulfilling and satisfying (in the full sense of the word!). At the end of the day, you just have to tell yourself, you have to accept the bitter and the sweet. There are good things that come your way. Be thankful. Some bad days you don’t expect. Learn from it and move on. It’s too late to cry over spilled milk. Just fix whatever needs some fixing.
One friend once told me you should not expect a lot from people. People are imperfect as much as you are. True enough. When emotions got mixed up, its hard to make the right decision. Get your head clear before saying ‘Yes’ or ‘No’.
Dont harbor bitterness. Learn to let go and as you let go, forgive. Forgive others who have hurt you. Even more, forgive yourself for most of the time, we are own worst torturer.
Some things are never bound to happen no matter how much you desire it. Check your motivations though. Misplaced aspirations shall never be granted. God, in His infinite wisdom, will only grant what we need not what we desire.
People, as they come our way, will either make our life sweet or make our life/perspective better. Under no circumstance should we hate a person. They crossed our lives for a reason. Whatever the reason, be thankful that they do come your way. The mark or imprint that they left in you, in whatever form, treasure it for your entire lifetime.
I thank God for people whom He has brought in my life. I thank these people for the bittersweet memories and the life lessons they have impressed upon me. Just be positive in all circumstances. Stick to God. He may disciplined us but He won’t disappoint us.
good night! au revoir!
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hardthoughts 